why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
