i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Randomize
