my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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