ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
