I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
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