I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
