you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
They have beer where we have blood.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Randomize
