I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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