hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Randomize
