Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
