I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Randomize
