Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Randomize
