girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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