I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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