Who wears a wallet chain?!
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
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