I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Randomize
