I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
