I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
So vagazzling was a success
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
