my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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