whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
