I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
How's work?
Spinning.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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