Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Randomize
