I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
