You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Randomize
