so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
