I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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