His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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