It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
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