her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
