Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
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