To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
