tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Your cock deserves a montage
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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