why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Randomize
