We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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