can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
