Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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