Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Sorry about my life...
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
