Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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