we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Randomize
