I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Randomize
