I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Randomize
