she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
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