You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I believe in your delicious
Randomize
