im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
