You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
