I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
