is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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