sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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