So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
My cat gives me a boner
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
