At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
